{"product_id":"happy-birthday-you-are-basically-vintage-disappointment-now-toxic-birthday-card","title":"“Happy Birthday. You are basically vintage disappointment now.” Toxic Birthday Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"299\" data-end=\"359\"\u003eFor the person aging like expired milk instead of fine wine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"361\" data-end=\"607\"\u003eAt some point birthdays stop being celebrations and start being annual performance reviews you continue to fail. This card is for the person who has managed to get older without getting any better. A true vintage disappointment in mint condition.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"609\" data-end=\"612\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"614\" data-end=\"701\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"614\" data-end=\"633\"\u003eInside Message:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"633\" data-end=\"636\"\u003e“Happy Birthday.\u003cbr data-start=\"652\" data-end=\"655\"\u003eYou are basically vintage disappointment now.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"703\" data-end=\"706\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"708\" data-end=\"947\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"708\" data-end=\"724\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"724\" data-end=\"727\"\u003e• Friends who peaked in high school\u003cbr data-start=\"762\" data-end=\"765\"\u003e• Siblings who age like spoiled leftovers\u003cbr data-start=\"806\" data-end=\"809\"\u003e• Coworkers who should not be celebrated\u003cbr data-start=\"849\" data-end=\"852\"\u003e• The chronically unimpressive\u003cbr data-start=\"882\" data-end=\"885\"\u003e• Anyone who makes you wonder how they have survived this long\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"949\" data-end=\"952\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"954\" data-end=\"1122\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"954\" data-end=\"981\"\u003eWhy You Need This Card:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"981\" data-end=\"984\"\u003eBecause some people get older but never upgrade. You should at least give them a card honest enough to match their life performance stats.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Toxic Card","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47541729951958,"sku":"MS-6189-“HA-TOXIC C","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0788\/0615\/5478\/files\/HappyBirthday.Youarebasicallyvintagedisappointmentnow._ToxicBirthdayCard-1.jpg?v=1774567916","url":"https:\/\/www.toxiccard.com\/products\/happy-birthday-you-are-basically-vintage-disappointment-now-toxic-birthday-card","provider":"Toxic Card","version":"1.0","type":"link"}