{"product_id":"another-lap-around-the-sun-closer-to-the-finish-line-toxic-birthday-card","title":"“Another lap around the sun… closer to the finish line.” Toxic Birthday Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"279\" data-end=\"416\"\u003eFor the person who treats every birthday like an endurance test and every year as one more painful reminder that the clock is undefeated.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"418\" data-end=\"885\"\u003eThis card comes in four equally bleak variants, each capturing a different flavor of existential dread. Whether it is the runner who clearly peaked ten birthdays ago, the cats who look more disappointed than affectionate, the birthday scene that has the same energy as a failing group project, or the party ambience of someone who has fully accepted their decline, each version delivers the same dark truth. Another year survived. Another step toward the finish line.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"887\" data-end=\"890\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"892\" data-end=\"970\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"892\" data-end=\"911\"\u003eInside Message:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"911\" data-end=\"914\"\u003e“Another lap around the sun… closer to the finish line.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"972\" data-end=\"975\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"977\" data-end=\"1237\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"977\" data-end=\"993\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"993\" data-end=\"996\"\u003e• Friends who are aging in dog years\u003cbr data-start=\"1032\" data-end=\"1035\"\u003e• Relatives who insist they are still young but make noises when standing up\u003cbr data-start=\"1111\" data-end=\"1114\"\u003e• Coworkers who look emotionally finished by 9 AM\u003cbr data-start=\"1163\" data-end=\"1166\"\u003e• Petty birthday humor\u003cbr data-start=\"1188\" data-end=\"1191\"\u003e• Anyone who counts survival as an achievement\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1239\" data-end=\"1242\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1244\" data-end=\"1388\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1244\" data-end=\"1271\"\u003eWhy You Need This Card:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1271\" data-end=\"1274\"\u003eBecause some birthdays are not celebrations. They are progress reports from the universe that say time is winning.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Toxic Card","offers":[{"title":"Woman Cat Mafia","offer_id":47541493301462,"sku":"MS-4028-“AN-TOXIC C-WOM","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Woman Cats Dark","offer_id":47541493334230,"sku":"MS-0346-“AN-TOXIC C-WOM","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Man Cat","offer_id":47541493366998,"sku":"MS-6009-“AN-TOXIC C-MAN","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Old Man Walker","offer_id":47541493399766,"sku":"MS-0959-“AN-TOXIC C-OLD","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0788\/0615\/5478\/files\/Anotherlaparoundthesun_closertothefinishline._ToxicBirthdayCard-1-1.jpg?v=1774568007","url":"https:\/\/www.toxiccard.com\/products\/another-lap-around-the-sun-closer-to-the-finish-line-toxic-birthday-card","provider":"Toxic Card","version":"1.0","type":"link"}