{"title":"Drunk Uncle","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"miracles-don-t-happen-every-year-toxic-holiday-card","title":"“Miracles Don’t Happen Every Year” Toxic Holiday Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"181\" data-end=\"295\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"181\" data-end=\"295\"\u003eA beautifully bleak holiday message for the person who has been disappointing you on a strict annual schedule.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"297\" data-end=\"525\"\u003eSome people bring joy to the holidays. Others bring the same predictable letdowns year after year. This card is for the person who has turned seasonal disappointment into a tradition and shows no signs of retiring from the role.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"527\" data-end=\"530\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"532\" data-end=\"634\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"532\" data-end=\"551\"\u003eInside Message:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"551\" data-end=\"554\"\u003e“Happy Holidays. You are living proof\u003cbr data-start=\"591\" data-end=\"594\"\u003ethat miracles do not happen every year.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"636\" data-end=\"639\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"641\" data-end=\"845\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"641\" data-end=\"657\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"657\" data-end=\"660\"\u003e• Exes who continue to disappoint\u003cbr data-start=\"693\" data-end=\"696\"\u003e• Family members who never change\u003cbr data-start=\"729\" data-end=\"732\"\u003e• Friends who swear this year will be different\u003cbr data-start=\"779\" data-end=\"782\"\u003e• Anyone who ruined last year and will probably ruin this one\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"847\" data-end=\"850\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"852\" data-end=\"964\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"852\" data-end=\"879\"\u003eWhy You Need This Card:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"879\" data-end=\"882\"\u003eBecause sometimes the holidays need a little honesty, and sometimes people do too.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Toxic Card","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47515717337302,"sku":"MS-0260-“MI-TOXIC C","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0788\/0615\/5478\/files\/MiraclesDon_tHappenEveryYear_ToxicHolidayCard-1.jpg?v=1774568204"},{"product_id":"not-my-problem-full-time-toxic-holiday-card-woman","title":"“Not My Problem Full-Time” Toxic Holiday Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"189\" data-end=\"278\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"189\" data-end=\"278\"\u003eA festive reminder that some people are best enjoyed in small, heavily limited doses.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"280\" data-end=\"542\"\u003eSome people are tolerable only when the calendar demands it. This card is for the seasonal interactions you endure out of obligation, tradition, or sheer holiday guilt, and for the individuals who should never be experienced outside controlled, minimal exposure.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"544\" data-end=\"547\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"549\" data-end=\"671\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"549\" data-end=\"568\"\u003eInside Message:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"568\" data-end=\"571\"\u003e“The only thing I am thankful for this\u003cbr data-start=\"609\" data-end=\"612\"\u003eholiday season is that you are not\u003cbr data-start=\"646\" data-end=\"649\"\u003emy problem full time.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"673\" data-end=\"676\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"678\" data-end=\"921\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"678\" data-end=\"694\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"694\" data-end=\"697\"\u003e• People you only deal with because you are biologically or socially obligated\u003cbr data-start=\"775\" data-end=\"778\"\u003e• Exes, coworkers, in-laws, or drama magnets\u003cbr data-start=\"822\" data-end=\"825\"\u003e• Friends who thrive in chaos you refuse to adopt\u003cbr data-start=\"874\" data-end=\"877\"\u003e• Anyone who needs a festive reality check\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"923\" data-end=\"926\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"928\" data-end=\"1083\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"928\" data-end=\"955\"\u003eWhy You Need This Card:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"955\" data-end=\"958\"\u003eBecause the holidays are exhausting and some people are too. This card says what you cannot say out loud at the dinner table.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Toxic Card","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47515725955286,"sku":"MS-7344-“NO-TOXIC C","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0788\/0615\/5478\/files\/NotMyProblemFull-Time_ToxicHolidayCard-1.jpg?v=1774568197"},{"product_id":"not-my-problem-full-time-toxic-holiday-card-alternate-edition","title":"“Not My Problem Full-Time” Toxic Holiday Card (Alternate Edition)","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"184\" data-end=\"296\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"184\" data-end=\"296\"\u003eA festive reminder that some people should only be handled seasonally, like eggnog or emotional instability.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"298\" data-end=\"557\"\u003eSome people are fine in small doses, preferably once a year and only under strict supervision. This card is for the holiday interactions you endure out of obligation, not affection, and for the people who are manageable only in controlled, limited quantities.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"559\" data-end=\"562\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"564\" data-end=\"686\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"564\" data-end=\"583\"\u003eInside Message:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"583\" data-end=\"586\"\u003e“The only thing I am thankful for this\u003cbr data-start=\"624\" data-end=\"627\"\u003eholiday season is that you are not\u003cbr data-start=\"661\" data-end=\"664\"\u003emy problem full time.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"688\" data-end=\"691\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"693\" data-end=\"920\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"693\" data-end=\"709\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"709\" data-end=\"712\"\u003e• Exes you see out of curiosity or poor judgment\u003cbr data-start=\"760\" data-end=\"763\"\u003e• Coworkers you avoid all year except at the mandatory holiday party\u003cbr data-start=\"831\" data-end=\"834\"\u003e• Relatives who bring drama as a side dish\u003cbr data-start=\"876\" data-end=\"879\"\u003e• Friends who should stay acquaintances\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"922\" data-end=\"925\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"927\" data-end=\"1057\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"927\" data-end=\"954\"\u003eWhy You Need This Card:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"954\" data-end=\"957\"\u003eBecause some people are only enjoyable seasonally, and this card says it better than you ever could.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Toxic Card","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47515731230934,"sku":"MS-7454-“NO-TOXIC C","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0788\/0615\/5478\/files\/NotMyProblemFull-Time_ToxicHolidayCard_AlternateEdition_-1.jpg?v=1774568191"},{"product_id":"you-finally-found-someone-who-argues-as-passionately-as-you-gaslight-toxic-relationship-card","title":"“You Finally Found Someone Who Argues As Passionately As You Gaslight.” Toxic Relationship Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"166\" data-end=\"242\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"166\" data-end=\"242\"\u003eFor the couple whose love language is conflict management at volume ten.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"244\" data-end=\"516\"\u003eSome couples communicate. Others combust. And then there are the two of you, treating every minor disagreement like a championship fight. Your relationship is not built on harmony, it is built on theatrics, tension, and the mutual belief that yelling counts as connection.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"518\" data-end=\"521\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"523\" data-end=\"620\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"523\" data-end=\"542\"\u003eInside Message:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"542\" data-end=\"545\"\u003e“You finally found someone\u003cbr data-start=\"571\" data-end=\"574\"\u003ewho argues as passionately\u003cbr data-start=\"600\" data-end=\"603\"\u003eas you gaslight.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"622\" data-end=\"625\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"627\" data-end=\"833\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"627\" data-end=\"643\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"643\" data-end=\"646\"\u003e• Couples who fight recreationally\u003cbr data-start=\"680\" data-end=\"683\"\u003e• Weddings you doubt will last\u003cbr data-start=\"713\" data-end=\"716\"\u003e• Anniversaries of codependency\u003cbr data-start=\"747\" data-end=\"750\"\u003e• Friends with a talent for gaslighting\u003cbr data-start=\"789\" data-end=\"792\"\u003e• Anyone who thinks arguing is foreplay\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"835\" data-end=\"838\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"840\" data-end=\"962\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"840\" data-end=\"867\"\u003eWhy You Need This Card:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"867\" data-end=\"870\"\u003eBecause some relationships thrive on conflict, and this card simply celebrates the accuracy.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Toxic Card","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47526113804502,"sku":"MS-4372-“YO-TOXIC C","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0788\/0615\/5478\/files\/YouFinallyFoundSomeoneWhoArguesAsPassionatelyAsYouGaslight._ToxicRelationshipCard-1.jpg?v=1774568083"},{"product_id":"you-suck-toxic-cybertruck-enemy-card","title":"“YOU SUCK.” Toxic Cybertruck Enemy Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"101\" data-end=\"202\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"101\" data-end=\"202\"\u003eFor the person who has earned your most creative, most deserved, most spiritually charged insult.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"204\" data-end=\"434\"\u003eSome people are annoying. Some are exhausting. And then there are the rare overachievers whose existence demands a handcrafted insult straight from your soul. Sending anything polite would be disrespectful to the art of pettiness.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"436\" data-end=\"439\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"441\" data-end=\"542\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"441\" data-end=\"460\"\u003eInside Message:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"460\" data-end=\"463\"\u003e“YOU SUCK.\u003cbr data-start=\"473\" data-end=\"476\"\u003eMay your battery die mid drive on the busiest freeway imaginable.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"544\" data-end=\"547\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"549\" data-end=\"743\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"549\" data-end=\"565\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"565\" data-end=\"568\"\u003e• People you dislike on a spiritual level\u003cbr data-start=\"609\" data-end=\"612\"\u003e• Ex friends\u003cbr data-start=\"624\" data-end=\"627\"\u003e• Petty revenge\u003cbr data-start=\"642\" data-end=\"645\"\u003e• Sending a message that cannot be misunderstood\u003cbr data-start=\"693\" data-end=\"696\"\u003e• Anyone who deserves traffic based suffering\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"745\" data-end=\"748\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"750\" data-end=\"891\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"750\" data-end=\"777\"\u003eWhy You Need This Card:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"777\" data-end=\"780\"\u003eBecause sometimes closure is not the goal. Sometimes the goal is wishing someone a very specific inconvenience.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Toxic Card","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47529515811030,"sku":"MS-7497-“YO-TOXIC C","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0788\/0615\/5478\/files\/YOUSUCK._ToxicCybertruckEnemyCard-1.jpg?v=1774571434"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0788\/0615\/5478\/collections\/Drunk_Unlce.png?v=1764313146","url":"https:\/\/www.toxiccard.com\/collections\/drunk-uncle-edition.oembed","provider":"Toxic Card","version":"1.0","type":"link"}